Tears for Fears

I read that 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned. We had been trying since Fall of 2012 to get pregnant, so we are definitely the other 50%.
That being said; Telling a newly pregnant, first time mom that she has to wait until week 8 to see a doctor is cruel! It almost makes me wish I didn't know I was pregnant for the first 7 weeks or so!
It has been officially ONE WEEK since we found out we were pregnant. In these seven days I have gone from totally ecstatic to crippled with terror and back again. (Maybe more than once...) I will say that so far, this new mom has fared well in the symptoms world. Not really any nausea. No headaches. My body is a little sore, but nothing too uncomfortable and I am sleeping through the night! Yay! But, mood swings are now normal.

One week before I took my pee test I was on the computer. I clicked on a video link of Disney's Merida from "Brave" being inducted into the Disney Princess Royal Court. (I'm a Scottish princess fan.) As the video went on, they finally introduced Princess Merida to the crowd. Then her mother came out to crown her. It was all very cute and silly, with cheesiness oozing from every moment. And before I could laugh at the other princesses silly descriptions of themselves, "Arial, always curious. Bell, a quest for learning..." I found myself SOBBING the moment Merida's mother placed the crown on her head and they hugged. Sobbing. *sigh* It only made matters worse when Gabe came over to ask me what I was watching and if I was okay. My first thought was "If I am not pregnant, this is the most embarrassing moment ever!!!

Want to see how silly I should feel about crying? Watch it and then laugh at me yourself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPE5lVHucG4

The Monday after we found out, we were both back to work. I had a long day in West Covina. My cast was mostly on time and we began setting up for our assembly. I had decided not to tell my cast until June, just incase...
As we were getting ready to start rehearsal, one of my actors jumped down, off the stage onto some risers below. They clanged loudly and I snapped "Don't break the risers!" He then, being a funny guy, snapped back, "You calling me fat, Amber?" (Now, I knew he was just joking with me) I started to say no. I think I tried to explain that the sound was loud, and the next thing I knew tears were flowing down my face and I was telling them all I was pregnant and I didn't feel good! Ha! All of 10 min of keeping a secret. They were all super cute and cheered and gave me a big hug.

Since Monday, I have been feeling good. Like I said, very few symptoms. But being a FTM, that isn't always the most comforting thing. I keep reading and hearing about how sick everyone else felt at this point. Not sleeping, peeing all the time, and headaches. On Thursday morning I had my first mini breakdown. As I was reading our "You, Having a Baby" book, I couldn't take it any more. I was overwhelmed and scared and didn't understand why I didn't feel pregnant! Tears started to flow again and before I knew it, my beautiful, hero of a husband was right there. He held me and then looked me right in the face and told me not to worry. The tears themselves were the biggest sign of all. It's true, I had never cried this much in my life! (Okay maybe when I was a baby.) To calm myself a little more, I did take one more pee test that afternoon. Still pregnant.  :)

I see the doctor on June 6th. WooHoo!

Telling The Parents!

This has all been very exciting!

Saturday morning we called my mom to ask her and dad if they wanted to have dinner. My dear mother then told me that she was busy cleaning the house all day and that my dad had gone sailing with a buddy to Catalina Island until Sunday. What a bummer! Ha!

We luckily already had plans with Gabe's dad and stepmom for Sunday. That was the easy one!

Gabe's mom was the 1st official parent to know. She was at work and called him on a break. She was thrilled! She told us later that she was so excited later that day, she got on her intercom and told her whole bus about our exciting news. Love that!

I decided I wanted to surprise the rest of the parents with "Grandparent" cards. Being that we are the first in both families to get pregnant, I thought this would be a fun surprise... Just so you know, Grandparent "announcement" cards are HARD TO FIND! I ended up buying grandparent birthday cards, then covering up the Happy Birthday message with our own message:

Robins Baby

Coming January 2014!

At Gabe's parents house, we hid the cards in an old shadow box Gabe had found at his grandfather's house a few summers before. Gabe's dad opened the box with Cindy, saw the cards, and opened them. Roque was still distracted with the box when Cindy burst into tears at the words "Hi Grandma!" on her card. Finally Roque looked at it and then he got it! We all laughed and hugged and cried! Cindy has been a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years. She is a baby pro!!! I already started picking her brain about birth and other scary stuff. We are so lucky to have them in our lives.

We tried to stop by my parents' on our way home Sunday night. But those butt heads weren't home again! (bummer #2 *wink*) Finally we talked to them Monday and planned to have dinner with them Monday night. This time I hid the cards in an old cigar box and ONCE AGAIN my dad (this time) was distracted by the box and he didn't even LOOK at the card. It wasn't until my mom cried out "Roy! Look at the Card!" did he finally see what was happening. Another round of laughter began and we all hugged and cried and toasted and cried some more. I love them so much!

All of our parents are so wonderful and unique. We are so lucky to have such beautiful people that have shaped us into the people we are today.

The First Day of the Roller Coaster

May 18th, 6:34am

I am a week and a half late, but after seven months of negative tests, I am a little scared to take another one and have been putting it off.
"I'll probably start my period tomorrow..."
I had a late night on Friday with my show and was joking with the cast about maybe being pregnant. This only fueled my fear thinking I was "jinxing" it! (Paranoid, party of one.)

I went to the bathroom, took the test, and sat there on the toilet trying to ignore the blinking of the screen. (the good tests were on sale this time!) I was trying to figure out how to keep myself occupied for three more minutes when I glanced down and saw it.

"Pregnant" 

I pulled myself together, ran into our bedroom, and crawled next to Gabe and whispered in his ear. It wasn't until this moment that I started to cry. :)

The rest of the day was very foggy. We went out to breakfast, then spent a lot of time on the computer. We watched the documentary, "The Business of Being Born" (So good!!!). Then spent more time looking up Birthing Centers. Every hour or so I would hear Gabe say something like "wow" or "this is happening". I also found myself in this state of disbelief.

When I was in High School I made a decision that I didn't want to have kids. I wanted to be a mom, but didn't want anything to do with BIRTH. Nine months of sick, fat, uncomfortable only then to get pain, medication, pain, screaming, grossness and more pain. Yuck! Adoption seemed like a great idea to me! As my friends and I got older their passion for pregnancy grew and mine only seemed to get more terrifying. There was a season where 4 out of the 7 women in my show were pregnant. I would get dizzy just hearing their stories and would have to walk away from every conversation, every day! (Worst year of my life! Ha!)
It was only when I met Gabe and we got married, that I even considered doing this. Having a child with the love of my life seemed like something I could get through. We do still want to adopt and grow our family with children from all walks of life, but we will start off this chapter with one of our very own.

The Roller Coaster:
When you're little, you look up at this great big, giant machine. It is whipping people around. They are fearful, screaming, some even getting sick. You watch in horror as they spin and drop, listening to their cries. But then you focus on their faces, and most of them are smiling. If you listen a little closer, there is laughter along with the screams. And when you step back you see there is a giant line of people waiting to get on this monster of a ride.
It has taken me 29 years to even look close enough to see the good stuff. In October of 2012 Gabe and I got in line. We waited in the line for seven months (long line). And on May 18th at 6:34am, we got on this big scary coaster.

Today is the 19th. I woke up sore and a little uncomfortable and happy.